The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
