gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
