sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
