Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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