are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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