Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
