took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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