You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
