I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
