It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
