Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
