I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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