Who did Billy Mays play for?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
