Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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