I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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