I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
