Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
