There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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