she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
