I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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