break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
