i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
