So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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