I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
