My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
