why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize