We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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