I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
