I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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