dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
