Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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