I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
