I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
