I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
