Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
