So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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