I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
