What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
