Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
