Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
