Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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