who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
