I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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