Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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