This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
