i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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