so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
