i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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