I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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