HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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