Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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