So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
