STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
