so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
