i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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