where am i from again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
