ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
