Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
