Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
