Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
