Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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