You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
