sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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