I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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