there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
