I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
